| This semester, it seems like I have been trying to fill some kind of void. I have been seeking something to buy or acquire. I've also noticed that what it is I'm seeking is something either pretty expensive or difficult to get. It's like an adventure that I have to save up for this thing or look for it so that I can be satisfied. But I realized recently that I've done this before so many times. I've done this way too many times that it's a shame that I forget each and every time. I read somewhere that it's simply normal human adaptation. It's synonymous to taking something for granted. Half empty, half full kind of thing, I guess. But I recently told a friend about my pathetic excuse for a goal or adventure and I was verbally slapped in the face. And upon realization, it felt well deserved. "Why don't you work on a personal project?" It was exactly what I needed. It's even something that I've been attempting for the passed 3 years but really just was too inconsistent and simply failed at each try. But right now, I'm on. I feel good about it. And it looks like it's going to be my future. Health. What could possibly fill up my void more than the attention I can give to my my body? For years and years, I would always tell myself, I'm going to run today and eat healthy today. But the next day, my only exercise would be standing in line at Gamestop and after be eating Hibachi Express. Stupid. I know I'm not alone all that. The cycle seemed like it would never end. The high would come in bursts, died down, come back and so on. We're all guilty of it. It sucks, especially when you fail. But I feel like this is really it. I feel like the reason why we even attempt to be healthy is because we know it can change our lives. We keep trying because, deep down, we know there is a priceless prize to come out of it. Often times, that vision can get hazy and we forget about it. Right now, it's clearer than ever. I've been at the gym more consistently than ever before. I've been researching more and more about how my body works. I even can't wait to start taking biology courses again and implement the lessons into my body. The things I shop for in groceries have evolved into some kind of nutrition nazi's ingredient list. Today I made some whole wheat (w/omega-3's and protein) pasta with lean ground beef, steamed baby lima beans and alfredo sauce. I was damned proud. It was a protein goldmine perfectly combined with the visit to the gym earlier in the afternoon. Anyway. It feels real this time. I've refrained from drinking especially on days that are even remotely close on workout days. And I've been drinking a gallon of water a day. Blah blah blah, more healthy stuff, blah. It feels good though. I love it, I want to keep it up. I want to make this really and make a change in my body for the better. This project is also cheaper (compared to the embarrassing things I almost wasted my money on). You can't be born with this face but you can always change everything else. HA. I want it all. I'm so glad that I'm such a cheap ass when it comes to buying things. And the cheap-ass-ness just exponentially grows the more expensive the shit is. Anyway, in the end, I plan to have more money, a great looking and feeling body and an efficient brain for these upper level biology classes. One last thing. This absolutely huge surge of confidence and motivation + watching a bunch of TED talks on Netflix (so glad they finally got this!!), I want to change more than just my body. I've developed passions and ideas for the health of other people. There are so many people that don't get a fraction of what I get. There are so many people that don't even know about half the things I run into everyday. It's jaw-dropping. But that's for a later post. I want to make a change. Cliche? Yes. Truth? Definitely. To the endorphin addiction! |
